It’s a common frustration: You know we’re everywhere… statistically, we’re the largest part of the LGBTQ+ community. But when you walk into a “gay bar” or look at your social circle, it can still feel like you’re the only one who goes both ways.
If you’re neurodivergent, this feeling of isolation is often doubled. Your brain might be telling you that you’re “doing it wrong” or that everyone else has some secret guidebook for finding community that you missed.
Here is the truth: The “bi crowd” isn’t missing. We’re just looking for community in different ways than the rest of the world.
Why the “Traditional” Scene Often Feels Off
For many of us, the loud, high-sensory environment of a typical queer club is a nightmare for a neurodivergent brain. If you’re autistic or have ADHD, you might find that the “scene” is actually a sensory overload that makes it impossible to actually connect with people.
This is why you don’t see us all in one place. We’re often at home, in specific hobby groups, or connecting in low-pressure digital spaces where we don’t have to “mask” as much.
The Best Places to Find “Your People”
Instead of looking for a flag in a window, look for these types of environments where bi and neurodivergent folks naturally gravitate:
- Niche Hobby Groups: From tabletop gaming to fiber arts, queer people (especially bi/pan folks) are often the backbone of “nerdy” or creative communities.
- Online “Fast Channels”: Communities like r/bisexual or r/BiInTheWild on Reddit are massive for a reason. They allow you to test the waters and find validation without the social exhaustion of a physical meetup.
- Neuro-Queer Meetups: Increasingly, cities are hosting events specifically for people at the intersection of neurodivergence and LGBTQ+ identity. These often prioritize low-stimulus environments and “parallel play,” making it much easier to build trust.
How to “Signal” Without Saying a Word
If you’re worried about being “invisible,” remember that queer coding is a real and useful tool. Subtle bi-coded tones in your clothing, certain pins on a bag, or even just being open about your interests can act as a “bat signal” for other bi people.
It builds trust and authority with others like you because it says, “I’m here, I’m like you, and I’m safe to talk to”.
The Direct Path to Connection
If you’re tired of overthinking it and just want to start meeting people who understand the “both ways” lifestyle, the fastest route is often through specialized dating and community apps.
These tools let you skip the “guessing game” and find people who are already looking for exactly what you are.
