If you’ve spent the last three nights falling down a rabbit hole of “Am I Gay?” quizzes and TikTok explainers, take a deep breath. You aren’t “failing” at being straight, and you aren’t “faking” being queer.
You’re just in the middle of a very normal, very human process called questioning.
The line between “just curious” and “bisexual” can feel incredibly thin, especially if your brain likes to overanalyze every single spark of attraction. Here are five ways to help you cut through the noise and find a bit of clarity.
1. The “Frequency” Test
Curiosity is often a passing thought… a “what if” that pops up and then fades away. Bisexuality, even when it’s subtle, tends to have a recurring rhythm.
- Ask yourself: Has this feeling been a background hum in your life for a while? If the “curiosity” keeps coming back, even after you try to dismiss it, it’s usually a sign of an underlying identity.
2. The “Emotional Resonance” Check
Attraction isn’t just about what you see; it’s about how you feel. When you imagine yourself in a relationship or a close emotional bond with someone of a different gender than you’re used to, does it feel “right” or “warm,” rather than just “interesting”?
- The Neuro-Queer Angle: If you are neurodivergent, you might experience attraction as a deep, hyper-fixated “spark” rather than just a physical pull. That intensity is a valid form of bisexuality.
3. The “Bi-Cycle” Awareness
Many bisexual people experience the “Bi-Cycle” where their attraction shifts back and forth between different genders over weeks, months, or years.
- If you feel “very straight” one week and “very queer” the next, your brain might tell you that you were “just curious” during the queer week. In reality, that fluctuation is one of the most common signs of being bisexual.
4. The “Fictional Character” Clue
Sometimes it’s easier to see it in fiction than in ourselves. Look back at the characters you’ve been obsessed with. Was it just that you wanted to be them, or was there a part of you that wanted to be with them?
- Often, our “celebrity crushes” or fictional fixations are the safest way for our brains to test out our true attractions before we’re ready to admit them in real life.
5. The “Comfort with the Label” Test
Try this: Say the words “I am bisexual” or “I am pansexual” out loud when you’re alone.
- How does it feel in your chest? If it feels like a “relief” or like a “puzzle piece clicking into place,” that’s your answer. If it feels totally wrong, that’s okay too. You’re allowed to explore without committing to a label immediately.
The Bottom Line
“Curiosity” is the doorway, but if you find yourself standing in that doorway for a long time, you’re likely already home. You don’t need to reach a certain “percentage” of attraction to be bi. If you feel it, it’s real.
